Welcome to my life.
The life of a Marine's wife,
registered nurse,
dog owner,
wanna-be photographer,
and budding writer.

Monday, July 23, 2012

You gotta fine form

Nobody's sayin' no
Walkin' a fine line
Without hurting you bad

I haven't written in some time. This, is obvious. The truth is...I simply don't know what to write about. See, it's sort of like this and I'm asking you not to judge me. I think I'm caught in a "quarter life crisis". I can hear your mumbling judgements already. It's true though.

I've spent several hours talking to my sister, my grandmother, my Ms. Linda and Mr. Dan. Sometimes I wonder, "Am I really doing what I'm supposed to be doing?" Often times I find myself utterly let down by the human condition. Am I too young to have these feelings? Or is this some natural thing you start feeling around this age?

I love being a nurse. I want to help people. I've always wanted to make a difference. Sometimes, though, it feels like I'm swimming against a strong current. Sometimes I feel like no matter what I do, I can't catch my breath. I often wonder why is it human nature to want to see people fail? Why people feel so entitled?

Let me reiterate, I love being a nurse. I love the adrenaline of the ER, the touch of someone's hand when they're giving thanks, but it's also the hardest thing I have ever and continue to do.

I've been asking myself pretty frequently lately what I want from life. How do I want to affect the people I come in contact with? Am I doing what I'm supposed to be doing for the rest of my life?

I think this is a natural part of life. Am I right?

It's not only just the "career" thing. I've been finding myself thinking a lot about my biological father. I find myself wondering what he would think of me now. Would what my life is now, finally be enough to make him want to be a REAL part of my life? I don't even know why I waste time thinking about that. After a phone conversation with my grandmother, I've come to realize that it's kind of a moot point. So, I've got to learn to let that go....but how?

Letting things go...that's a battle all it's own. I don't even know where to begin with that.

Everyone knows that I love taking pictures. However, lately...I'm not really believing in myself. My photos aren't coming out as planned and I'm just getting frustrated. Whatever rut it is that I'm in....needs to go away.

There's just so much in life to think about. I just have to convince myself not to waste too much time thinking about it.

So here's a flashback on the events over the past couple of weeks!:

We went to the lake for Timmy's father's 60th birthday. Had a blast.

I went on a "dog day's" shoot with Valerie Schooling from ValerieSchoolingPhotography.com and also assisted with a bridal show the next day. Super fun.

I occurred some fresh produce from Timmy's mother. We were very happy to spend some time with her.

Lauren and I spent some quality time on the couch during a rainstorm. "The Hard Times of RJ Burger" has officially replaced our "My Life as Liz" obsession.

My Insanity delivery came in the mail. Be on the lookout for my fitness pictures. I think we're about to document this journey. I'm going to obtain that tshirt this time.

Tonight we had sushi at Miyo's for Ryan's  (my brother in law) 36th birthday! So much fun. :)

Oh yeah, I'm also learning to quilt. That should be epic!

Lately, we've been talking about what it means if he were to stay active duty with the Marines. We've got a lot of hard decisions to make in the near future. Life altering decisions. That ball should drop some time in August, so keep us on your prayer lists.

My husband is a great person. I'm so thankful that I've got his hand to hold (on the weekends, haha) during this rut I'm in.

He's the best cheerleader in the world.

Speaking of cheerleader...I have something to cheer him on about! Tomato is training to run in the Marine Corps Marathon giving someone drops out. He's got a potential. So, we may be going to DC in October.

Both of these guys have been awesome. Alpha got fixed and hasn't missed a beat.
Zero is due for surgery to have his teeth cleaned in September.
I love my snuggly dogs.

What I've just finished reading.
("just" being a loose just.)

The Art of Fielding by Chad Harbach
Probably one of the best "coming of age" books I've read in a while. 
I think it should be required reading for college freshman. 
This story follows the lives of five people.
Contains a lot of baseball
and hard to digest topics.

Song of the Day:
Body Work by Morgan Page featuring Tegan and Sarah

1 comment:

  1. Cash Ash Mash Flash,

    Its good to know a fellow photographer shares the same feelings of wanting to know if a biological parent would approve. I, being adopted, don't know my mother or father. The shoes I have been given to wear keeps me walking in a path where I call people parents that I am NOTHING alike. As for your pictures, photography is more than an art, its a feeling, if you are not feeling your best, it will show in your photos. With that being said, photography should be a tool of escaping. I don't know where I'd be psychologically without my camera. This year I've had the pleasure of (re?)developing a friendship with you and there is one thing I'm certain of, you will be alright, and the light is closer than you think. Keep helping people, the laws of Karma have something grand in store for you. If its a new camera and lenses, I'll take your old ones.

    Night Hawk, aka Dragon, bka Ghost Rider.